The Useless Indian Police: A Second Hand experience (in progress)

Alright!!! You have heard it and read it before. This is no news to you and you do not give a damn about police, until and unless you have a matter requiring “Their” Attention.

Visiting a Police station is one of the worst experience in India and I mean it, when it say so. It’s even worse than getting yourself injected for a vaccine from a fat ugly nurse in a hospital or being bitten by a rabies infected dog (I obviously do not mean any of this J )

Alight coming to the point, our Diwali this time has turned out to be a Diwala. After a long holiday break of 4 days (yes…this is what we entrepreneurs call a “Long Holiday Break: 4 days” with calls from clients and bashing from Angrej clients asking us about Why “TF” is this a holiday at your end, when the America is working”)…Oh yes, we are expected to work according to the Yankee’s holiday list.

Anyways, the first lonely creäture, who always comes on time to our office, opens the office at 9:40 am and guess what…the door is already open. Must be the peon, who has the keys to office and comes early to clean office, before employees or must be someone has forgotten to lock the door before the holidays.

Never mind, there is a bigger surprise awaiting. He enters inside and sees his prized possession, a white colored “super expensive” apple box missing…He calls me up immediately and I ask for the Peon. Incidentally, the peon is missing. I call up the employees who left in the end before holidays and they assure me about double checking the lock before leaving.

I super rush to our office to look at our HR, who also has lost her laptop. I take full assessment of the losses and the amount of loss is ___ lakhs in terms of stolen stuff and another few lakhs for the code which went as a dowry with the main loot.

Before I get a heart attack, fearing the repercussions of losing the code of a client, who has paid me in advance, I get a call from our partner asking me about the damages. He has some back up of code and some will have to be redeveloped. He takes up a call with client and we have to re-do the lost work for client.

I call up my dad, who is always more experienced, when it comes to handling police.

He has a cop sitting with him (some old pal), who is also posted in Noida. Dad’s buddy assures me of all the help and asks me to go and meet the police station head and take his name. “Name dropping” is our favorite sport after cricket and you win in this sports, if the name dropping works. Well, in my case, I LOST L . I will come to that later.

The last time, we had a theft in our office, someone had picked up our rented generator, kept it on a “Thela” (read it in hindi) and ran away with it…I had to literally go and beg in police station, to make them File a FIR and they didn’t. Ultimately, a compromise was done with the head of security agency, who decided to pay 50% of the total cost of generator and I ended up burning a hole in my pocket, with another 50%.

After the incident, I did some analysis on why my FIR was not filed and they probably did not take me seriously and came out with a list of points, which I promised to not to repeat this time.

  1. Going by car
  2. Wearing formals
  3. Talking professionally and to the point
  4. Asking them their plan to solve the matter
  5. And Lastly, getting a FIR done (yes…The ultimate Eureka moment after visiting a police station, is, id you are able to get a FIR done)

I took my new car to the police station, got out confidently and sat down in the chairs laid down in front of the station and explained my problem.

What was interesting was a room, dimly lit being the chairs. There were 3 police constables or officers playing cards. They were so engrossed in the game that they did not care to even raise their head and look at people visiting police station.

Probably, After Diwali effects or this time the Diwali hafta over exceeded their expectations.

Anyways, I was least interested in them and followed check points 1, 2 and 3 effectively. It worked, two of them agreed to come to my office in my car J . In my mind, I could picture the thief being caught and getting his ass spanked from this newly discovered brand of alert police officers, I had just discovered.

How wrong I was L

They came to my office and checked for theft, questioned few people and went back to their police station and asked me to send a complaint letter to their station, which they would stamp and sign.

Yipee!!!! It was a FIR. What could possibility go wrong now? I have the FIR registered and police is after this scoundrel, who can run, who can ride but cannot escape Kannon ke haath ;) .

Since the only person missing after the theft was our peon, we called him endlessly. He did not pick up his phone the whole day and when he picks up his phone, he tells us that he has left his job. Obviously, we did not ask him to serve his notice period J

He promised to meet us the next day in office to prove his innocence and the next morning, his phone went out of range. I called up the police constable on this case and went to the police station to discuss this new development in case.

He is philosophical, as is it’s not a theft but a sant samagam being conducted at my place. In his inimitable casual style, he tell me “Sardarji. Do not worry. Just tell us where the criminal or your peon is and we will come with you and pick him up”. If only I knew where he was sir, I would not have come to you, Right?

Anyways, the card game behind his is as progressive and lively as yesterday.

I come back to office and call up our landlord, who in turn calls up a Sr. constable to his office. The guy is wearing casuals and I cannot identify him to be a police officer. Nevertheless, our uncle introduces me to him and oh boy!!! He has some stories to tell about his bravado act of catching criminals.

This guy makes himself look like some super cop, who can catch any criminal on this earth and catching our thief does not look like a mirage anymore. It looks like a possibility…Yes. This is our saviors, who will put this thief behind bars.

Incidentally, while all this was happening, we were in to our third day of investigation, with no progress to speak of and then comes a Sunday, when no one works, other than poor downtrodden souls like me.

Busy in grocery shopping with the wife and kid, I get a call from our Hr and guess what, our peon, whose mobile has been dead for last two days had called her and threatened her for complaining about him. I call back the number and the phone is again out of reach.

I call up our “Super Bravo cop”, who is travelling somewhere. He asks me to come and meet him and 10 am the next day, which is today and promises to sort out everything.

Not to be late, I wake up early in morning and leave for office well before time. On reaching the police station at around 10:30 A.M, I have new discoveries to make.

Nothing has changed in this country. The constable who had written our complaint and had handed us the prized “FIR” would be late, the super brave cop is on leave and no one is sitting on the chairs to discuss with people visiting the police station.

I can still see the cards game being played in the room next. Probably they have earned too much during this Diwali or government has given them Diwali bonus for solving all the pending cases.

I started staring at them with anguish, as there was no one to hear me out. Probably they felt embarrassed or they did not like a pair of intruding/prying eyes looking at them, interrupting their game of cards. They ask one of the non-participants (imagine…they had one, the Noble soul) to close the door and meet me.

As soon as he asked me about my problem, I played like a tape recorder and explained him everything from start to end with all incidents, etc, etc and His response was “You can understand how overloaded we are with work. One constable is assigned with too many cases and this is the reason, your case has not been looked into.”

The first thought to hit me, which I so desperately wanted to spell out was WTF are those card playing cops doing inside? Are they too overloaded with playing cards or are they deciding on who will lose all his money and go and catch the thief?

I asked him for the number of the head of police station and he pointed to the wall behind him. Damn!!! 3 days and I missed the number, which has so been so beautifully put on the wall.

I try to call the boss and explain him the scenario…I even “name drop” my dad’s buddy and the response I get is “I am somewhere and will come to office after 5 pm today”

4 days in a row, I have followed up the case and no one has even taken the pain to find the call details of our peon, forget finding him.

Its 4 pm and I would be visiting the police station at 5 pm.

Will keep you all posted. Till then, keep reading and enjoying “My second hand Police Experience (in progress)”

To be continued…

Updated on 21/11/2013

Well we have given up on the case, as nothing has happened. In this time duration, i have met numerous police officers and greased various palms, which i realized was complete waste .

The last update i have is, the peon has gone with the wind and the wind has incidentally flown to Bihar.

To quote the police officer “No one from the police would send a team to Bihar for catching this guy ;)”

You are absolutely right and even i am tired of doubling my loss by dragging my self to this unholy temple of yours for more than 1 week. Probably, you have shared the loot yourself with the thief or are expecting something more from me, which will not happen.


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